My Husbands Hormones And Me

In 2016, we celebrated our 25th anniversary, but it was also the year that my husbands hormone journey began. It started early in the year, when he noticed that he appeared to be growing a breast and was gaining a lot of weight. He started experiencing some other issues as well that told us that he better go see the doctor.

I had started my perimenopause journey when I was 47, so I was experiencing changes in my body and my hormone levels myself as well. At this point, I was doing ok, I was able to manage any slight menopausal symptoms with over the counter supplements like black cohosh and MenoSmart by Lorna Venderhaeghe .

THE DIAGNOSIS

After a few tests and scans, it was determined that my husband had a pituitary tumor. The pituitary is considered the “master control gland” because it makes the hormones that control the levels of other hormones made by most of the endocrine glands in the body. 

In my husbands case, the tumor presses on the pituitary gland, lowering his testorsterone and increasing his prolactin, which was why he appeared to be growing a breast. Prolactin is the female hormone that helps us produce milk and according the the American Cancer Society, its function in men is not known. (I speak about it in the present tense because he still has it).

The ONLY treatment for said tumor is to take a medication called Cabergoline or Dostinex with the hope that the tumor shrinks, or in some cases after prolonged use, can omit it, so my husband was prescribed and started taking this medication. It works be blocking the prolactin production, allowing the testosterone to increase naturally. Sounds great, right!

THE PROBLEM WITH DOSTINEX

The problem with Dostinex is that it is primarily used to treat Parkinson’s Disease, and additional side effects of the drug, and what our endocrinologist didn’t tell us, is that other side effects that the user can have are lack of impulse control, sex addiction, gambling addiction, depression and a few other things. An endocrinologist is a doctor who specializes in hormone-related conditions.

So, hubby started to feel better and lose some of the weight that he had gained while on the medication, but then it progressed. He started to exhibit some of the side effects, but at the time, we were not aware of these side effects yet. We didn’t find out about them until about 5 years later, in 2021.

We were on opposite ends of a scale. He had libido for days, while I was having more and more menopause symptoms because the situation put me under a lot of personal stress. He spoke with the endocrinologist about the issues that he was having and she tried adjusting the dosage and then also told him to go to see a counsellor if he was having marital problems. She actually knew about the side effects but never mentioned them at all over a 5 year period. If you Google the drug, the additonal side effects don’t come up initially. You have to do a specific search that includes sex addiction, impulse control or gambling addiction in order to find them, but the doctors know they exist.

They ended up playing with the dosage and kept track of his testosterone levels and it was a roller coaster ride to say the least. He would have highs and then level off a little, so he was kind of passive aggressive. Sometimes the prolactin would be more prevalent and at other times, the testosterone was pronunced more in his behaviours. 

I was in stage four of my personal stress.

I RETREATED INTO MYSELF

The instability in my life and my partner worsened my menopause symptoms and sent me into depression, though I didn’t realize that it was depression at the time. I started gaining weight and was stressed all of the time with my personal life. It was difficult to be a part of a life that was centered around something that I was losing interest in, partly because of what seemed to be an obsession over it. I retreated into myself and started to build walls of protection and found myself to be a distant shell of the person that I once was. 

It was as if I was on the outside looking in to my life. I remember standing in front of the Colosseum, in Italy thinking, I should be so excited to be here, but I felt numb.

As I mentioned in my first blog, I went on hormone replacement (HRT) therapy, which consisted of the Estrogel and progesterone capsules. They are little round pills.  I asked my gyno about bioidenticals and was told that what I was on, was bioidenticals. Now, I’m not sure about that. I was on them for 2 years but it only helped the symptoms, not the problem. I was on the hormone therapy at the time of our Italy trip, which was the year that I turned 50 and yet I still felt a feeling of emotional numbness all of the time.

THE REAL PROBLEM

The real problem was that I was not happy with my life. I was in a never ending circle of stress and symptoms with each compounding the other. My mid section looked like I was 4 – 5 months pregnant and I was miserable. 

I tried my hardest to live my best life in spite of the way that I was feeling. I was grateful everyday for the good things in my life and prayed for other things to be resolved. I got up each day and lived my life, I even exercised, but inside I was just going through the motions. I was stuck. I knew nothing of what I know now, but I wasn’t in a place to seek or receive it yet. It was all I could do to get out of bed in the morning.

5 YEARS LATER

In 2021, after 5 years of hubby taking the Dostinex, we sought out counselling. As we went through why we were there, the tumor came up, so the therapist asked if my husband was taking any medication for it. It was then, 5 years later, that we were made aware of the “extra” side effects of Dostinex. It all made so much sense now!

He stopped taking it immediately and began to monitor his testosterone levels every 3 – 6 months. He said that he felt different as his testosterone slowly lowered. The prolactin was rising and for months, we were both experiencing menopause. I was now in stage five of my personal stress. The kids were gone and it was just the two of us, alone together and we were both working from home now after COVID. Two hormonal, menopausal people together all day and all night long. What could be wrong with that?

You know the saying that misery loves company? Well, it doesn’t! I needed space. We both needed space, so we started making a point to go out on our own, even for a few hours.

He is now taking testosterone cream to keep his levels up and will retest a few times a year to see where they are at.

I am in a much better place then I used to be! I am about 7 years into my menopause journey and am seeing improvements, which I am hoping means that I am almost at the end of it. My personal stress levels are lower than they were, I take specific vitamin supplements that assist with hormone production, I have a workout plan for my age and stage of life, and we have both embarked on a new lifestyle that includes organic hormone-free whole foods to help us both live our best lives.

These first 3 blogs give you an idea of where I am coming from and what has brought me to the place I am now. In 2021, I hit an ultimate low and it has taken me a lot of will power and mental health work to get to where I am at. I still have a way to go, but I am on the right track and I am feeling good about myself, my life and my marriage. I can honestly say that I am happy and I don’t remember the last time that I could say that and mean it!