How Menopause F*#ked With My Life

I have been asking myself this question for the last year, after making the correlation between my stress level and my menopause symptoms, particularly my hot flashes and my mental state.

I touched briefly on this correlation in my last blog, but I’ll get deeper into it here. I should also mention, that I am sharing my personal experiences only. I am not a licensed or professional therapist, naturopath or medical professional of any kind. I am a woman who has discovered that unless you decide to go on HRT (hormone replacement therapy), there is not much help from the medical community and the naturopathic route can be a lot of trial, taking time, while the symptoms are still there.

I have been a part of Facebook groups and had conversations with many woman who swear by this herb or that, but I have had no success with any of it! Why? 

Let’s dig into my personal life. Who am I?

I am the youngest of 7 children from a small town in Southwestern Ontario. I experienced trauma as a child, that, like many children, didn’t know it was the sort of thing that wasn’t supposed to happen. I didn’t put the connection together until my teens and started to learn more about …..life, so it went undealt with for many years. I actually never talked to a professional about what had happened to me until I was a married adult. You might think that I was naive and I was, for sure! I grew up in a bubble of going to Church on Sunday and where parents and children didn’t relate to one another the way that they do now, at least in our house. Don’t get me wrong. I am not condemning my parents in any way. They had 7 children and they raised us the best way that they know how. Was it what I needed? That’s for another time, but, I love and appreciate the life that they provided. It was a stable home with clothes on my back, food in my belly, and where I knew that my parents loved each other and us.

I met someone who was very different than anyone I had met before when I was 19 and in my first year of University. We had mutual friends and worked at the local Burger King. He noticed me at our mutual friends New Years Eve party, but I had no idea. He carried a torch for almost 6 months I guess, because it wasn’t until the following June that we went out on our first date. The rest, as they say, is history. We have been together for 34 now and married for 31 of those. 

We were 22 and 23 when we married and I feel blessed that we are still together, but, like any long standing relationship, it hasn’t been without it’s difficult times.

We thought that we knew each other well, but, as it turned out, we had some differences when it came to a few subjects and I was devasted that this person that I was giving my life to, was not the knight in shining armour that I thought that he was! Enter my first taste of personal stress. 

After having some issues as a teen, I wasn’t sure that I would be able to have children, so that was something that we talked about before we got married. Then, a miracle happened! I became pregnant with our first child in 1993. New house, new baby! We just bought our first home and we were creating a family.

Other issues took a back seat and we welcomed our daughter in May of 1994. 

For us, it truly was the best thing that could happen. Our focus was now on making sure that this beautiful blessing had an equally beautiful life with two loving parents and a stable home.

We ended up moving from our Southwestern Ontario town and to the big city in 1996. We welcomed a son in 1998 and that was our little family.

You think that you know someone, but then you find out that you don’t. Betrayal had entered our home in the form of a trusted family member. When our daughter was 10, we discovered that she was being preyed upon. Thankfully, we were able to put a stop to it, but I was devasted, yet again. How could this happen to me and my baby! We promised to keep her safe! Enter the second level of personal stress.

Sure, we all have things happen to us, but each of us deals with it differently. For many years, I was angry and had learned to protect myself by keeping people at a distance, including my spouse.

We, and I have gone to counsellors over the years. A good therapist can do wonders, if for nothing else than to get shit off of your chest.

For me, it was always more than that. I was compounding these pains and hurts on top of one another and I now believe that it all affected my menopause journey. For some, the past resurfaces during this time, when hormones run amuck and I have been one of the lucky ones to have just that happen. I have also experienced some more recent events that I will get into next time, making the third level of my personal stress and making menopause f*#k with my life!