Menopause and Sex

I know I am not alone when I say that the libido diminishes in some women during menopause. I won’t say for all, because I know that there are some women who don’t experience many menopausal symptoms, but for some, sex is something that seems revolting all of a sudden once you are in the thick of it all.

Your child birthing years are over, so there is no real biological reason to continue to have sex, really. There was also a time when life expetancy was about 40, so women didn’t live long enough to go through menopause. I really struggle with Mother Nature’s cruelty to women! Not only do we have to suffer every month from a young teenage girl, but now, our lives become hell just because we live longer. Truly frustrating!

How can I feel sexy when I have gained about 40 pounds and it takes all I have to just get out of bed in the morning? A few years ago I couldn’t sleep because I had hot flashes and the sweats all night. And don’t even get me started on my husbands snoring!

The mental side of sex has been the worst for me. I was always thin, even after having my children, I lost the weight without a problem, so gaining this weight and not being able to loose it really messed with my self-esteem. Don’t even talk to me about the lethargy and hot flashes! During the worst of it, about 3 years ago, I was desperate for a good night sleep. Then there was the insomnia period too! I wasn’t able to even fall asleep until 2-3 am, leaving me tired as hell during the day. I just felt like crap in every way, shape and form. 

Sex is mostly mental, so when you feel crappy about yourself and your life, it’s the last thing you want to engage in. In my case, everything that has been going on with my husband, made it even worse for me. There was a period where his libido was through the roof because of the medication he was on and it drove me deeper into myself. I put up walls to protect myself and was under constant stress.

What! You want to have sex regularly? No way!  Why would I want to engage in sex when I don’t feel sexy at all! You know that I am in menopause, why are you bothering me for sex? Take your high libido and shove it!

Yep, that’s how I felt! I just couldn’t keep up with my husbands desires while he was on the Dostinex and it really affected my mental health. It also affected the way that I felt about him. I started to resent him for asking me about sex, going back to the “I am in menoapuse, leave me alone” statement. But, there was more going on than that. I just didn’t want to be physical with him. I was going through the motions of my life, not finding joy in anything. His idea to try to turn me on was to just stand in front of me naked. Sorry dude, not gonna due it. Women, especially during menopause, need to feel loved in order to want to give of themselves. I didn’t feel loved. I felt like a piece of meat. The more adventurous he wanted to be, the more depressed I felt.

I have seen an improvement in the last year, so there is hope. I met someone who told me about Maca, and for a while and saw improvement with that, but have since switched to chasteberry. I increased my vitamin D intake, as well as added vitamin E. I began thinking of my life in a more positive way, which improved my personal stress level.

I am now seven years into my menopause journey and I am in the post menopausal phase, according to the doctor. While I have started to experience better sleep again and an improved attitude towards sex, the weight is still a work in progress. 

I look forward to the end of this phase of my life so that I can live the life that I desire. I work at achieving the life I want every day, because I know there is hope, and am looking forward to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in the near future.