Handling Triggers

Triggers are a big topic for me to talk about. I didn’t realize that I had triggers until about a short time ago, but when I connected the dots, it all made so much sense!

Throughout our lives, as human beings, we have experiences that come and go. Some we remember and some we don’t. Then, there are some that leave a mark for what seems like life. I have yet to know if I will be plagued by my triggers for the rest of my life, but let’s start by asking, what is a trigger?

” A trigger is any word, person, event, or experience that touches off an immediate emotional reaction, especially sadness/depression, anger/aggression, fear/panic, or humiliation/shame.” – Dr. David Richo, How We Can Stop Reacting and Start Healing Triggers.

I have read the above mentioned book by David Richo, and I had some significant take aways from it that I use on a daily basis as part of my morning gratitude practise. The last few pages of the book contain a long list of ‘affirmations’ to help free ourselves from fear. I read from them to remind myself to keep moving forward and that I have the inner resources to handle my triggers. In the book, all of the affirmations include a reference to fear, where Dr. Richo believes that our triggers stem from. MY triggers stem from mental stress put on my psyche over a long period of time that have been magnified by symptoms of menopause. You could say that the mental stress is derived from fear. The fear of a certain topic of conversation, fear of past mistakes, or the fear of not being loved, respected or ridiculed within my own family.

One day, I sat down and started writing out my triggers. I did not have as many as I thought that I might, but I did have a good list going. I feel like sometimes, they morph or grow legs because a situation, topic or discussion that isn’t even related to one of my triggers, has awakened my trigger response. Perhaps it’s actually new things that are triggering me because who’s to say that I will always have the same triggers? Life is full of experiences, so would it not be safe to say that we might develop new triggers along the way?

It has been a real mental health journey that took some time, but I can now recognize when I am having a trigger response. I become quiet, withdrawn into myself, I feel depressed, I cry – sometimes on and off for days, I am tired and want to sleep more, even when the sun is shining, and I ponder what my life would be like if I had made different choices. I become agitated and angry at those who have hurt me and I want to lash out at them. Sometimes I do so that I can get if off of my chest, with good reason. Other times I apologize afterwards, remembering that I can’t control others and that my feelings are my problem.

This usually lasts a few days or a week. Sometimes more if I have experienced more than one trigger at a time. But, then I come out of it. I start to feel better, I put things back into perspective and become rational again.

I am still fairly new at using Dr. Richo’s tools for managing my triggers so I refer back to the book a lot. I also I speak with my therapist, friends, or spouse and get it all off of my chest. I force myself to exercise and if needed, modify what I can to help reduce or cope better if and when it happens again. It helps me to bounce how I feel off of others, but then I worry that I am burdening others with my problems. The other thing that I keep in mind when I talk to friends, is that there are some things that I should not tell them, or that friends don’t need to know. This is a stressful part about a trigger because it can take days or sometimes weeks before I can get an appointment to talk to the therapist. So, I tell my friends what I can and I take time out for myself. I read inspirational quotes, passages and listen to frequency music to aid me in letting go of my stresses, fears and hurts. Sometimes, by the time my appointment comes around, I have almost resolved the issue myself.

There are times when I feel like I am totally loosing control when I experience a trigger response. I wonder if I should be on medication or if I have a deeper problem than I think. So far I have believed that I am having amplified symptoms of menopause so I have rejected staying on hormone replacement therapy or taking anti-depressants, but some days I even wonder if I could be bipolar. I was always mentally strong, but these years have made me question my sanity many times.

What has kept me going on without using substances so far is talking to other people about their journey. My mental health is the primary focus of my life during this time and the reason that I started this blog. 

I joined a menopause support Facebook group and I see so many others describe very similar feelings and it makes me feel so much better. I realize that it’s not just me and that there is a community of women there to support me when I need it.

The trick is not to wollow in your troubles for too long. Dig deep and find the strength to do what you need to do to feel better and get back to living. Sometimes a healing massage will work wonders to remove any blockages and realign the chakra. 

It’s funny, as weak and defeated that I feel when I experience triggers, as I come around, I feel strong, powerful and energetic.

What’s really going on behind my smile? A lot, but like with anyone else, that’s life!

If you feel depressed and are having trouble managing your daily life, please seek professional help! My story is my own, and if you would like to reach out to talk about your story you can do so via my contact page.